My relationship is failing and I don’t know why. There is so much tension between my fiance and I it’s not even funny we can barely even hold a conversation on the phone for a half hour now, when we used to gab at one another for hours on end.
I have gone through spells were I felt more of just a friend than a fiance to her because she has no friends to do anything with and only has me. I have friends and my friendships have strains on them as well because my friends want some time to chill like the old days with out an attachment on my side every time as they put it.
Her home life is pretty much come home from school, college, or work, and work for fun at home. Running the vac, washing cuboards, scrubbing floors and everyday doing like 5 loads of laundry. There house is just as spotless or more so than an expensive top rate hotel suite.
My home life was come home from school or work, red up a little to make it look neat, run the vac once a week, do laundry twice a week, do dishes everyday, and wash cupboards, and scrub floors once a month.
Her family is big in doing things themselves where as my family is more inclined to hire someone to do it for them. She has told me that I need to mature some and learn how to put up dry wall, tear out carpet and install new carpet. I’m a musician and my music is my life I’ve been doing it for 12 years now and suddenly I have to put it on the back burner as a hobby? Thats my only true venting process as I have terrible anger issues and I work out my problems through music. Very normal no different than someone writing down their thoughts just I do it through the genre of heavy metal.
She tells me that she is more wanting someone who will willingly work on a farm to harvest potatoes, corn, plant corn fields, and potato fields, help clean her grandparents house, and help them mow their lawn, but I look it at as I shouldn’t have to do that kind of work if I don’t want to, because i have no interest in doing anything farm related. How does that make me immature? Does that make me self-ish because i have no willingness to work on their farm every saturday? If i were to live life to her standards I would only have downtime to relax, not to play my guitar and that is a big part of my life, that I refuse to give up for any woman.
I’m severely depressed and I feel like I’m not worth anything because getting a job is abnormally hard for me do to my poor work history trying to work while still recovering from my 3rd heat stroke in 05. I’ve been with out work for about a year and a half, but you know what i do the most adult thing any unemployed person can do. I go out there everyday and put out applications just waiting for a bite. And that isn’t good enough for my fiance I guess. I’m just not good enough for her anymore I don’t think.
What would you do if you were me?
Also I’m not lazy and not afraid to work, I’m just not to terribly interested in her home life how they work all the time. It frustrates me that her parents just can’t sit down and get to know me, I have to be working by there side for them to talk to me. I think thats weird and unusual because someone shouldn’t have to work beside someone to get to know them you should be able to just talk.
I’m the kind of person when I go to work I have no friends, I do my job in solitude and if I’m working in a team I simply follow orders and do my job with out hesitation because I have discipline and while I’m on the clock I simply have no friends until I am on my time again. This is what works best for me and what our beloved government taught me to be in the work force. I feel like an outsider to her family and it’s been 2 years. I’m going on 23 and her parents are as old as mine in their mid 40’s I think I should be able to have some communication with her parents?, but their workaholics and I guess I’m wrong for not wanting to work 24/7. Sorry for wanting to have a life outside of Work. Does that make me selfish? cuz apparently in the mind of my fiance it makes me childish, unwilling to prove myself, immature, and probably lazy. And she wonders why I’m depressed?
My younger sister is in an abusive relationship. We have no family history that would make her believe that it’s normal for a person to treat her this way. We came from a middle class family, both of our parents worked to provide us with a good life. I’m sure they argued, all couples do, but to this day I can’t remember a time when I witnessed one.
She got out of the relationship for about a month and she and their son stayed with me and my family.
My husband and I have four kids so it was a little crowded. We gave her a room, and watched the baby for her to work and even go out with friends.
One night I was babysitting for her to work, she called at about 11pm to say that she was going to a friends and would be home within the hour. I went ahead and went to sleep, the baby was asleep and she has her own set of keys. Well when I woke the next morning about 4am to see my husband off to work, I noticed that the baby’s car seat was gone, so I went to her room and they weren’t their. She called hours later to say they had gone back to her boyfriends house.
I understand that she wants a family of her own, but I don’t understand why she wants to be with him.
He treated her badly before she was pregnant. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse. She thought it would get better when she told him she was pregnant. .He accused her of cheating and the abuse never stopped. (The baby is now 6mo old )
He slapped her so hard once that she fell against the baby crib with the baby in it. He has left her home with a fire burning while he went out that almost caught the house on fire and the fire dept. had to be called out.
She has gone to the police once but then refused to sign the papers.
He has broken her heart with cheating and bruised her body with his slaps and punches.
I am not only worried about her but also about my nephew.
Not only does he abuse her but the home environment and grounds aren’t safe or sanitary for a baby or child.
The house that he lives in isn’t much more that a shack. They had a TV that quit working because of a nest of mice had made it their Home, along with a S*** load of roaches.
He works on cars as a hobby and there are cars and parts, rusted metal , and broken glass covering what should be a yard.
I’m not sure what to do. I’ve tried talking to her, giving her print outs on abuse and effects on children nothing is getting through to her. I don’t want her to end up in the hospital because of him. I also don’t want the baby to end up in the hospital because of some sort of abuse or neglect.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
Just last week she called the police because he tampered with her car by pulling wires so that it wouldn’t crank. She and I stayed up all that night because she was truely afraid of him.
My husband was at work, otherwise this man wouldn’t have even come near my house.
She went and filed a report, but now, not even a week later she is back with him. I know he has some kind of control over her, but I thought she had been away from him long enough to move on.
My mother was in a relationship like that with my biological father, it took her having me to move on. She remarried a wonerfull man that adopted me and they went on and had my brother and then my sister.
My sister has never known this kind of life until this man.
